Part XI: Can "Internal" Fidgeting Be Conquered? Ignoring distractions at prayer.

 Part XI: Can "Internal" Fidgeting Be Conquered?

After writing about fidgeting in the chapel, it is time to get serious for a change. I was trying to stop fidgeting, not for myself, but for the sake of those around me, the Sisters. As I glossed over, I was perfectly capable of fidgeting and praying at the same time. It is no different than fidgeting while taking a test or engaging in a conversation. Somehow, the fidgeting helps the concentration, or the fidgeter wouldn’t fidget!

Before you try to object, let me acknowledge your complaints. Yes, sometimes fidgeting can be a sign of insecurity, nervousness, or a lack of concentration. I am not speaking of those temporary fidgets.

Tapping feet, drumming fingers, humming to oneself, whistling while you work, those are all fidgets that may be helpful to the fidgeter but, according to circumstances, can be quite annoying to others. Doing any or all of those things in the chapel during the community’s time for mental prayer would certainly be problematic!

So fidgeting has to be controlled. But that is just “external” fidgeting. Some of you asked how to get rid of the “internal” fidgeting, those things called distractions. How do you stop your mind from metaphorically chasing a squirrel when you are trying to meditate on the Third Sorrowful Mystery of the Rosary, for instance? After all, for the fidgeter, physical fidgets are nothing more than "background noise," but spiritual fidgets often take over the front and center position and push prayer to the back.

(A note to anyone suffering from scruples: be aware that the prayer continues, even though you are distracted, so you are not simply "wasting your time" in praying distractedly. True, it is not ideal, but don't let the demons convince you to stop praying altogether just because you don't have laser vision focus on God.)

If you have never had to hold your rosary up to look at which decade you have just completed because somewhere during that short time between starting the Creed and “right now” you switched from meditating on the Mysteries to thinking about how much laundry you had to do, you can skip the rest of this article.

As for the rest of you, I don’t have any magic trick to dazzle you with, but I will gladly point out one way (not the only way) of trying to calm the fidgety brain when simply attempting to spend quiet time with Our Lord.

First of all, when entering the chapel or church, be sure that your whole experience is different from any other place you enter or task you look to accomplish. You are here to pray, not to shop, socialize, or check incoming texts. Men, take off your hat; women, cover your head. Use Holy Water to bless yourself. Genuflect to Our Lord in the tabernacle. Double genuflect (that is, on both knees) if He is exposed on the altar in a monstrance or (less likely) a ciborium. Enter a pew away from others, if possible, and kneel in Adoration. Breathe slowly. Relax. You are in the presence of God.

Speak to the Lord. Silently. Deliberately. Slowly. Focus on Him. Not you. Not anyone else. Not anything else. Just Him. His relationship with you. Your relationship with Him. Pause between phrases. Between thoughts. Between sentences. If your mind wanders or fidgets, come back. Start over. And over. However many times it takes. Even if it takes all the time you have. He’s worth it.

Without being able to demonstrate this through speech, I will have to use line spaces to indicate a break of about a breath’s time. Read it like that. You’ll get the idea.

Jesus.

Lord.

God.

You are here.

You called me.

I am here.

But almost not.

You love me.

I don’t know why.

Yet You do.

Thank you.

I love you.

But not enough.

Help me.

You are God.

And I am not.

You love me perfectly.

I love you little.

I am sorry.

I need Your grace.

I need You.

You are here.

The Eucharist is You.

I believe.

Help my unbelief.

You are God.

And I am not.

You called me.

I answered.

But I hesitated.

I procrastinated.

I grumbled.

But You trusted.

You waited.

You gave me grace.

Thank you.

You love me.

Completely.

Eternally.

Infinitely.

Help me love You.

As You love me.

More than I do.

More than I desire.

More than I can imagine.

As You love.

You are God.

And I am not.

+++++++

This type of prayer, to control the mind’s fidgeting, is simply a preparation for deeper, focused, non-fidgety prayer. It can take just a few minutes or even all the time you have.  When (and if) you are ready, when peace has set in, when distractions are gone (again, that may take longer or shorter, depending on the day and circumstances), bring to Our Lord your prayers of petition and intercession. Use more words if needed. But continue using short statements between breaths. This forces you to concentrate, so the brain doesn’t easily go astray.

+++++++

Lord Jesus,

A young girl wrote me a letter.

She wants prayers.

She trusts me.

Because she trusts You.

She has a bold plan.

It is good.

It will help many people.

Grant her request.

If it is Your will.

Give her fortitude.

She will need it. What she has in mind, most adults are afraid to do. It will probably fail. She knows that. It is a long shot. But it will do much good if it succeeds. She comes from such a great family. Not perfect, but striving for holiness. All of the children have great faith, taught by their parents, homeschooled, active in the Church. I baptized a bunch of them, gave them First Holy Communion, Confirmation...

I’m sorry.

My brain fidgeted. I’m thinking of my relationship with the family, not so much yours. [No matter what the distraction was, I often simply tell Him I’m sorry, I was doing the laundry again!]

You are God.

And I am not.

Help her.

Please.

Thank you.

You are God.

And I am not.

A mother wrote to me.

About her son.

A good kid.

A good young man.

But he went astray.

His family wasn’t perfect.

He blamed You.

He blamed Your Church.

He knew better.

But he wandered anyway.

He found no joy.

No love.

Just temporary pleasure.

In sin.

He wants back.

He is scared.

Of you.

Of his family.

Of the Church.

Of his demons.

Please help him.

Help his parents.

Help his siblings.

He still has faith.

A tiny spark.

Deep inside.

Stoke the fire.

With the Holy Spirit.

Bring it back to life.

Bring him back to life.

Please.

Thank you.

You are God.

And I am not.

There was a man at Walmart.

A few weeks ago.

I told him I would pray extra for him.

I forgot.

I think.

I am sorry.

Bless him.

Then.

Now.

Later.

As you see fit.

I don’t remember why he needed the prayers. Maybe I did pray for him then, but I don’t remember doing it. I don’t remember not doing it, either.  I know it wasn’t so much a problem as just...

I’m sorry.

I was doing the laundry again.

I’m back with you.

You are God.

And I am not.

You know what he needed.

What he needs.

What he will need.

More than he knows.

More than I know.

You know.

Love him.

As you love me.

You are God.

And I am not.

+++++++

After you get settled in, so to speak, and you have presented your most pressing needs to our Savior, you are better prepared to pray the rosary, your pre-Mass prayers, the Stations of the Cross, Lectio Divina, silent meditation, or any other prayers you wish to offer. If just “getting in the zone” took all of your time, don’t get frustrated. Thank God that you had the opportunity to do what you did. Come back again when you have a chance and do it again. Practice makes perfect, or at least makes improvement! Some days will be more hectic, some more calm. Some days you may have more time, other days less. Spend as much time as you can with Him who is truly “Life,” and then get back to your earthly life. He knows you are not cloistered nuns or monks and really have to do laundry. He won’t hold it against you!

With prayers for your holiness,

Rev. Fr. Edwin Palka

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